Top Working Mom Struggles Exposed And Proven Ways To Combat
Being a working adult by itself is often a struggle. Being a mom itself is often its own struggle. Combining the two? Pass the bottle. Doing it alone as a single parent?? Pour me up another glass! Single working mom is one of the best yet most challenging titles you can have. If you’re struggling trying to figure out a working mom balances life, this post is meant to help! While we don’t have all the answers and each situation is unique, try these strategies to improve your special circumstances.
Top Working Mom Struggles
- What is self care?
- Having to ask for time off
- Money!
- Daycare drop off
- Hobbies / mommy time
- Mom guilt
- It’s never clean enough
- Always sick
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What is self care for a working mom?
Some days motherhood is easier than others. But on those days, here comes work stressing you out. Boooo tomato tomato, throwing tomatoes. But on the rare occasion you have help with being a mother, and work is going well you don’t even want to do anything or you don’t know what to do.
How to combat
How to make time for self care as a working mom. Start by having an assortment of self care tasks that fits varying time blocks. Come up with 2-3 lists for things you can do when you have 30 mins or less, an hour or more, and a whole weekend! Then schedule it! Put it in your calendar like you would any other task. Can’t find a block of time? Work on shortening the duration of tasks you already do. Look for faster meal options that require little to no prep time. Load the dishwasher instead of hand washing. You get the idea.
Having to ask for time off as a working mom
No matter the reason or how legitimate, it is nerve racking to have to request time off. For mothers this is especially true. Why? Because you can feel the judgment of your manager thinking “here she goes with another excuse about her kids” and “can she even handle the job”. You would think by 2022 we would be past this. You’d think that the workplace would also respect time outside of work and work-life balance. But they’ll insist you stay longer, work extra days, and not utilize the time you’ve earned.
Sound familiar? My hand is up because it’s been all too common for me. No I cannot work over the weekend and yes I do need Tuesday off to take my child to an appoint and no I couldn’t schedule another time.
How to combat
The only true way to combat having to ask for time off is to be respectful and timely about it. Of course there will be uncontrollable instances. But work with your manager by discussing when they would prefer you schedule appointments. Is it the beginning of the work day, middle, end? Maybe you two know that Tuesdays are busy but if you take off early on a Friday, you won’t get behind.
Once you’ve determined which days and times work best, schedule all the appointments. Annual doctor’s visits, dentist appointments, etc. Also communicate with management what your childcare calendar looks like. Are they closed days that you work? If you know this and don’t have anyone that can help watch your child, communicate that early.
Money!
Money can the biggest burden on working mothers, especially single working moms. Between paying for childcare, housing, food, and the many other expenses that come with running a household it gets rough. This requires a long term fix to a long term issue.
How to combat
Set a budget and try your best to stick to it. Make sure you factor in things that are typically in your budget like entertainment and fun. You can cut back as necessary in your variable expenses to ensure you have a decent amount for each category. Make your money stretch as far as possible by earning money when you shop. Rakuten is a great way to shop at the stores you already shop at like credit cards rewards but no credit is required.
Consider finding ways to make more money. You can only manage the same money so many different ways. So if you’re still finding it difficult to manage, consider a side hustle. This is much easier said than done. Doing something outside of your home is not always an option if don’t have additional care for your child and it’s not ideal to be away from your family additional time outside of your already full time job. Try something like starting a blog, meal delivery, or taking social media seriously.
Daycare drop off
Part of your single working mom schedule is going to work, which means your child has to have somewhere to go during your shift. For new moms and toddler moms, daycare drop off can be a struggle for two reasons. If you’re a newly working mom or switched childcare programs, your child may not be adjusted and still in the phase of crying when you leave which is absolutely heartbreaking. On the other hand, whether it’s school or daycare, drop off is a time constraint. You have to wake up early enough to get everyone ready, commute to school/daycare, and commute to work.
I will admit that I was always late, even if it was just 5 minutes, when I was in the office. Even though daycare was only 6 minutes away, it still took me out of route to getting to work. Doing all of these things make an early shift earlier!
How to combat
For getting up earlier, try setting an earlier bedtime for everyone, get some physical activity in during the day or when you get off, and set an earlier alarm. Waking up is only half the issue with getting out of the door on time. See what you can shorten in your morning routine. This should help get your kid off to daycare on time and you to work!
For crying babies at drop off, there really is no fix that will work for every single kid. Try to start the process of saying goodbye in the car. Reassure them that you can’t wait to get back to them and use a lot of positive talk about the great day they will have. Time will be the biggest factor as your child adjusts to the new environment and get more comfortable with the teachers and caregivers.
Hobbies / Mommy Time
It can seem hard to have or pick up hobbies as a working mother. But mommy time is important to make sure you feel fulfilled as a person outside of motherhood. Mommy time should be separate from hobbies. It’s more for you to relax and decompress and not have to focus on anything, even if it’s just for 15 to 30 minutes. A happier mom creates happier kids. But who has the time? Creating a single working mom schedule that includes time blocks specifically for mommy time or your hobbies.
How to combat
So how do you have hobbies as a mom? I know I sound like a broken record but it’s a time management thing. Just like you make times for things you have to do you have to make some time for things you want to do.
More importantly than making time, you’ll need to lean on your village. There’s only so much time you can create while also sleeping and doing the things you have to do. So that means you need someone or someones to help. What that looks like is having grandparents and loved ones babysit here and there, hiring a professional for certain chores if your budget allows, and more.
Mom guilt
Mom guilt is a hell of a struggle. No matter how great you’re doing or think you’re doing it can creep up on the best of us. The gag is, it’s usually (not always) irrational and accompanied by overthinking. My irrational mom guilt moment is my fear of ruining my child’s teeth. Is it possible? Absolutely. But his dentist appointments go great and they’ve never been concerned with the state of his teeth. Making it an irrational fear.
Other examples of things moms feel guilty about are yelling, not spending enough time, eating habits, and your child being behind developmentally.
How to combat
Be as gentle on yourself as you would be with another mom. Provide the same supportive feedback and tone that you take with others to yourself. We tend to be very self critical. Negative self talk will not make your situation any better. Acknowledge areas of improvement and take the steps towards improvement. There is no time for festering on what you’re doing wrong, do the work to make it better and move on to the next thing.
It’s never clean enough
Mom life can feel like it’s a never ending cycle of cleaning the same mess on repeat. When you get some down time, it’s “easy” to want to focus on cleaning the house, instead of doing what you actually want. But get out of that mindset! Our lives are worth more than working and cleaning. As mentioned in hobbies, make time for what you enjoy and what makes you feel fulfilled. Which for some may actually be cleaning, but for the rest of us….it is not.
How to combat
This one is a seemingly simple fix. For one, get on a cleaning schedule. Not just for you but also get your kids involved no matter their age. Involving your child(ren) is valuable because then you don’t have to wait for the perfect time to start.
In addition to a schedule, reduce the amount of time spent on certain tasks by tidying as messes are made. The easiest example is to simply clean a dish when you’re done using it, or put it in the dishwasher right away. Less commonly mentioned examples include cleaning the sink counter after your morning or night routine, cleaning the shower when you get out (or I prefer before I get in because I don’t want to do it after I’m clean), and putting random toys left out in a bin to be returned to the toy box later.
Always sick
I saved this one for last because since COVID this one actually hasn’t been as much of a struggle. Maybe the pandemic forced daycares to clean up their act a little more. But there’s always more opportunities for viruses spreading in your household when your child is in daycare. Kids are gross, making it easy for toys to become contaminated and anything else they touch.
More importantly than the children’s germs, are germs you encounter at work. I’ve been fortunate to work remote since March 2020 but I understand this isn’t the case for a lot of mothers. When I used to go into the office there would be people with strep, common colds, the flu, you name it! While employers preach “stay home if you’re sick” they don’t exactly make it easy to do so. Requiring people to use PTO time they may not even have or judging you for calling out makes it very likely for sick people to still come into work and infect other employees.
It’s a never ending struggle to avoid illness between daycare and your workplace.
How to combat
Easier said than done, but if your industry allows it look for work from home jobs for single moms (or whatever kind of mother you are). I’m not saying put that in your search or lead with that at interviews, but look for jobs that complement your lifestyle. LinkedIn has some great features for searching for hybrid or completely remote jobs for moms like you.
Assuming a job change is not all that feasible, work on your immunity. Build up both you and your child’s immunity. If you still are getting sick, find the best remedies that will help get over the illness as soon as possible.
Final Thoughts
Now that you know how to be a single mom and work, which of these remedies is your key takeaway? Will you focus more on taking care of yourself or muster up the courage to take time as necessary? The guide to how to be a working mom is not a one size fits all solution and you should find the things that work best for your unique situation.
Do you have something you’re struggling with that wasn’t listed? Leave a comment below.
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